It haunts me. No matter where I go, no matter where I turn it is there. It looms over me like a dark cloud just waiting to release the wrath of its storm when I least expect it. I can feel its eyes on me, and then I can feel its tendrils of fear and worry grasp me. It chokes me and suffocates my mind, leaving my heart rate elevated and pupils dilated.
You can see the rise of my chest quicken as if I’m desperately trying to catch my breath. My arms flail about trying to grasp at what’s robbing me of air, but to no avail. I fall to the ground as it loosens its reigns on me. That little bit of hope flourishes as I think the attack is over, but I’m still desperately trying to catch my breath. It seems that I am unable to calm down, and that’s when it gets its hands on me again.
The mind can be your own worst enemy. In situations where my anxiety rises and I can’t calm down, a panic attack happens. No matter how much I try to calm myself down some times it’s of no use. Why? My mind has a way of giving in to the affects anxiety has on me sometimes.
I consider myself to be a strong individual. I can handle many things, but stress is still a huge part of my life I have yet to conquer. Recently I’ve realized that it isn’t something to conquer, but something to maintain. We all go through things daily that worries us, stresses us, and cause anxiety. I’m no different, but what is different is how we cope and deal with it all.
If I’m feeling stressed I usually take time to relax and read a book. There are times where I’d listen to this music group called Enigma to help calm me down. I’d grab a cup of hot tea or hot cocoa and just let the warmth enter me and mellow my mind. I also do za zen meditation when I feel too wrapped up within myself. All of these actions help create a way for me to cope and deal with the stresses of everyday life.
Lately, my anxiety has been through the roof. No amount of reading, writing, or meditating has helped. I’d find myself sleeping for long hours, or not sleeping at all. My brain is so wrapped around my emotions and worries that I lost sight of what I could do to help myself. That’s going to change starting right this moment.
Grim’s Crypt is my safe place, and I love that it can be the safe place for others. I felt compelled to write that brief prose in the beginning to explain how anxiety and panic attacks are for me. I believe they manifest differently and are different for everyone. For me it’s like this terrible monster of a dark cloud that likes to attack whenever my stress levels go up.
Tell me, do you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? What do you do to calm yourself down?
Image: from Google